PSA: Cookies are Dangerous

More than half of all Britons have been injured by biscuits ranging from scalding from hot tea or coffee while dunking or breaking a tooth eating during a morning tea break, a survey has revealed.

An estimated 25 million adults have been injured while eating during a tea or coffee break – with at least 500 landing themselves in hospital, the survey revealed.

The custard cream biscuit was found to be the worse offender to innocent drinkers.

Hidden dangers included flying fragments and being hurt while dunking in scalding tea through to the more strange such as people poking themselves in the eye with a biscuit or fallen off a chair reaching for the tin.

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A simple Google search of Michal Preclik’s name turns up an Interpol wanted poster from his native Czech Republic. So where was he arrested? In Nebraska’s maximum-security prison, where he was not an inmate, but a guard.

Preclik had worked at the prison for a year and his arrest came just two months after officials at Tecumseh State Correctional Institution promoted the 32-year-old to corporal. Prison officials learned last month that he was wanted on suspicion of drug and fraud crimes.

The electronic wanted poster, which shows his mug shot, went up on Interpol’s Web site exactly a year before his arrest. The poster is the first Web link that appears when Googling Preclik’s name.

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Women Fighting Fires in See-Through Uniforms

A WET T-shirt controversy has broken out among female firefighters who have complained their new Rural Fire Service  shirts become see-through when wet.

More than 600 volunteers joined a Facebook petition to object to the issuing of the bright yellow shirts to replace existing navy blue ones.

Women complained that when they sweat, handle leaking hoses, wash or fill their trucks and even when it rains, their male colleagues can see through their new shirts.

In other news, acts of arson are up almost 200%.

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A breakdancing pensioner has been told to pay back thousands of pounds in benefits after showing off his moves on Britain’s Got Talent.

Fred Bowers, 74, amazed the show’s judges and millions of viewers with his body-popping routines, which included spinning on his head.

But the Department for Work and Pensions was less impressed – because he was still claiming £50 a month in Motability allowance.

Did you see that headstand? Doesn’t look to me like he needs disability… And in the interview he says he’s out clubbing “seven nights a week.” I don’t even have the energy to be out clubbing twice a week.

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Chinese Dwarfs Start Their Own Village

A community of dwarfs in China is tired of being discriminated against and is doing something about it.

The people of Kunming, a mountain community in southern China, have set up their own village to escape discrimination from normal sized people. All of the 120 residents are under 4-feet, 3-inches tall, and they run their own police force and fire department.

The group also has turned itself into a tourist attraction by building mushroom houses and living and dressing like fairy tale characters.

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Double or Nothing… Make that Nothing

PROMISES that special chemicals could duplicate money have allegedly duped three Victorian businesses.

Police said the businesses gave about $160,000 in cash to two men in the belief their money would double when soaked in chemicals.

A supermarket receipt, uncovered during investigations, has since revealed the chemical formula as bleach, baby powder and hair spray.

Excuse me a minute while I try to stop laughing…

Okay, so here is how this went down:

  1. Two men made friends with a business owner.
  2. They told him they could duplicate money. [This is where I start to have problems].
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Edison fails again in attempt to prohibit porn convention.

Edison Township tried to stop the Exxxotica Expo by amending its zoning law to prohibit shows or sales of sexually oriented products at gatherings within 1,000 feet of a school, church, hospital or playground.

Ah zoning laws, the perfect way to circumvent that pesky constitutional freedom of assembly.

Take one guess at what went wrong…

The Exxxotica Expo is going ahead as planned because the Expo Center is not within 1,000 feet of a school, church, hospital or playground. That’s right folks! The Edison Township set a distance of 1,000 feet without actually measuring the distance to the Expo Center.

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Your Doctor Recommended What?

BOGUS doctors offering “quack” therapy will face jail and massive fines under new laws proposed by Health Minister John Hill.

Mr Hill today announced the State Government would adopt the recommendations of a parliamentary committee examined therapies being offered by unregistered doctors.

These included offering to cure cancer through the use of “organic coffee enemas” and another practitioner who claimed to be able to cure cancer through “vaginal blowing”.

Organic Coffee Enemas? Vaginal Blowing? Hold on a second now… That sounds perfectly legitimate. How dare Mr. Hill slander these doctors and call them quacks!

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A Story of Two Trains and Two Fail Tags

Woman Trying To Smash Penny Hit By Train

They say the woman in her 20s suffered a minor head injury and was walking around when crews arrived.

Apparently never having been told it is not necessary to hold the penny while the train passes over it, this woman was lucky and suffered only minor injuries.

Woman: 0 / Trains: 1

Slow Train Foils Suicide Attempt

A California man who tried to commit suicide by lying down on the train tracks in the Central Valley was saved by low speed and a cow-catcher.

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Chilling Failed Execution in Ohio

An Ohio death row inmate has been given another week to live after he was granted an astonishing last-minute reprieve because officials could not find a usable vein to give him a lethal injection.

Technicians spent nerve-wracking two hours searching for a vein as Romell Broom, 53, awaited execution.

As if laying on a gurney waiting to die is not scary enough, the most shocking part of this whole thing is Romell Broom helped technicians try and find a vein… You heard me correctly, the inmate sentenced to death tried to help the people about to kill him find a vein.

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